You may think I’m the stupidest person alive, I don’t know! Am I?
Really, I’m not going to sit here trying to prove my intelligence, because I don’t even know if I am intelligent! I am just a person who knows how to talk to people and sway their opinion without them noticing- basically I am the master of manipulating people by saying things that they want to hear in a nice way.
This is why I respect people who defy all labels and in an honest way or those who are truly intelligent and know their stuff. I usually sit and think about things- I don’t manipulate people fully in a I-hate-you-so-much manner, I just am terrified of making a conversation bad by yelling out my own opinions.
This is probably why I end up having short, polite conversations with a few ‘clicks’ (clicks, in my language, is something that the person I’m talking to and I have in common) as I like to call them, a ‘spotlight’ or two (a spotlight is telling people about yourself in a measured manner in my language). Other than that, most of my conversations consist in things that we both already know.
A conversation may make someone more comfortable- for example, in a nervous situation, such as going bungee jumping for the first time and standing in line with someone who is also a newbie, you’re suddenly best friends with them. Most people (I don’t like to label ‘most people’ as I’ll explain later) don’t like to be alone in their nervousness, so they start a conversation with someone who can relate.
Of course, I don’t like to categorize ‘most people’ in one big group- why?
Because everyone is going through something different in lives. Lets go back to the bungee jumping incident: Maybe one person in line really wants to honor their dare devil father and try something new to break away from their routine life. Maybe they’re just an enthusiastic tourist. Maybe they’re doing it with family as a ‘family event’. Maybe they’re just trying to prove it to themselves that they can do it. Maybe they’re just doing it!
How do you know what they’re going through?
If you are trying to ‘figure out’ someone, forget averages but don’t forget them. What I mean by that is that you can refer to averages of things, but don’t take things for granted. Observe.
Well, you don’t. This is where the skill comes in.
This is what I usually do:
1. Don’t Assume.
This is one of the most important steps of observing! I throw away all pre-concieved notions that I formulate of a person. Don’t assume automatically that your person is stuck-up because they have pink lipstick on and have a showy shirt on- that is merely a perception or label.
2. Deduction, deduction.
Though I am not as brilliant as the notorious Sherlock Holmes, I can scrape up a few deductions from a person. Don’t, however, confuse deductions with automatically thinking that your person has been robbing a bank lately because of the scuff on their shoes.
A scuff on someone’s shoes could be anything. Consider that a possibility rather then something set in stone. Tread carefully and don’t be so obvious. There are things that you obviously notice: Her hair has been pulled up lately, and for a long time, due to the shape of her hair. Her shoes are strictly outdoor wear- the tread is worn out greatly, signaling that they have been walking on side roads.
They have a nervous habit of tapping their thigh. Consider your possibilities from your recent observations.
3. Mannerisms and how to talk!
As you chat casually with your person, consider their mannerisms as you poke at certain subjects.
As they begin to reveal more, poke subtle questions at them under the radar. Consider your possibilities from the previous, and link them to more observations as you continue to observe them.
Sympathize with them.
If you really want to know about someone, try to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you or your friends would react in their situations. Based on your observations, consider how they would react. As you are only a casual acquaintance, you don’t know all of their secrets.
Do they have a loose tongue? Are they careless with their secrets? Or are they conservative? Are they judging you?
Anyway, this is the basis of how I analyze people that I meet.
Key: Throw away your judgements and opinions! They aren’t necessarily the truth!
I hope that you thoroughly enjoyed this post!