Today I took a notepad with me and started recording the daily life at my school by writing down observations- it had some interesting results both personally and statistically:
Personalities are interesting things. They are woefully complex yet simple. Obvious, yet difficult to observe because of deep perceptions and opinions and dreams that evolve and change.
One thing I noticed about my year, is that people in my grade love to communicate. They are social beings, high on laughing in the here-and-now, exchanging dreams and laughter and drama.
They have a group of friends who have colorful outlooks. They are confident because of their tight-knit togetherness. They are comfortable because they are together. They know each other in and out and have remained together for years. They relate to each other and have FUN with each other.
I, on the other hand, used to be in a tight-knit group of friends.
But gradually, the stitches of friendship started to unravel and grow looser and more distant. Different interests was like a silent tug-a-war- eventually they are cut off with a quiet snap and no explanation.
Let me set the record straight- I am not complaining!
I have grown used to my quiet solitude. I have learned to embrace it. Now, newer threads work their way into my shell. But they aren’t quite tight enough to be a good friend- I am merely that friendly person-
Not close enough to worry about, far enough that I am alone but together (If that made any sense.). I AM NOT ALONE, and I am forever grateful to have people that care, but as I am sorely practical and too uptight, they remain tentative.
Sometimes I wonder how it is to remain tight-knit- when nothing matters except that you have good times and good friends. People that remain a tight knit scarf consider me someone like them.
They think, “Oh, she has a group of friends to.” They assume. And they are mostly right… I love and appreciate them. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t branch out and learn more!
But its okay. They just want to have a good time, and I can’t relate. I think that my soul is old and hardened for a teenager.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, not just me, is going through something on a different in life. A similar course, but a different one all the same.
I think that I am less…alive than most in my generation. That is how I am able to sit back silently and observe unfeelingly- I am too comfortable alone and to hardened to be swayed by the bias of friends.
People don’t consider me cold (I hope!), but they consider me ‘just there’. A nice, polite classmate. I can hold an interesting conversation, but sometimes I don’t see the point of the conversation.
I love quietness. People think that they know who I am, and what I am thinking, but they don’t. They are all sorely wrong, but I have fun trying to get them to understand!
Of course, It is not all about me- that is why I find it important to observe and understand the pure and untainted truth.
The point of my rant?
Everybody is going through something different in life. Be compassionate and please do not assume that, “Oh, he’s alright.” Check up on people! Let them know that you care.
I know that my friends and enemies are going through their own whirlwind, too- on quite different paths than mine.
Stay strong and keep on going.
Love you guys. Whatever you’re going through, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.