I am a worrywart.
I am no stranger the ‘what ifs’ and the underlying dread. I am the many possibilities swirling around in my brain…
Usually my worries are somewhat irrational- usually I end up handling the situation alright, and people are pleasant. Somewhat.
And yet, I still worry.
Why, I ask myself desperately when the butterflies come, Just, why?
Sometimes when I just can’t take the incessant voice in my head, I retreat into my war torn mind and just- go on a mini vacation. I suppose this is why I like time, because I can sit silently for hours and hours…
I can either throw away my emotions and use my realism to be an excellent observer, but sometimes when its too hard to be like this, I really do retreat into my mind. But just not in reality.
I can handle destruction and drama and I can experiment and look even in the hardest of times- throwing away my opinions and emotions and becoming the eyes of whatever I need to be.
But sometimes its just too tiring to keep up my ‘shields’- its just too emotionless for my very human brain.
When I choose not to think, or be alone, or even severely bored, I escape to my own little world in my mind. I have a choice, in my mind, to be independent and live, really live a life through the characters in my world.
I know every fantasy, every whim, every creature, and every problem in that world. I know how irrationally some of my people are thinking when they’re angry, I know who is gong to be levelheaded in the situation, I know every detail of all of their lives…
I take inspiration from the worlds of reality, like in the suburbs of a common neighborhood or the city of San Francisco, to places as magical as Hogwarts.
These ‘people’ in my head are just as real to me as you are- I control that world, but let my ‘people’ make their own choices and have realistic relationships and problems. They have their own lives too, I suppose.
They stay true to themselves, and they aren’t superheroes– they are just smart. Or broken. Or average. They vary from cold and silently shy to bubbly and social. I admire their personalities and dreams- and most importantly their confidence in their ‘lives’!
Its so much more interesting in my own little bubble– I’ve adapted it in my mind to a point where I can multitask between reality and my mind.
I can completely disappear flawlessly from my world and ‘go’ to my world- or I can hold a conversation while my double in the alternate dimension is stuck in a dark dungeon.
Sometimes when I am really in action in the ‘other world’, like, my person is running from his family into the darkest of nights, or a battle is going on, I catch myself starting to run!
Sometimes the events in the ‘other world’ correspond with events in real life- and sometimes they aren’t related at all.
The funny thing though, about my world is that I am almost never a person that exists in my world. A world without me– but I can live from the point of view and personality of a person in my world.
What does that even say about me?
Well, the logical, ‘real’ part of my brain tells me that I am in reality. I don’t really matter that much when I am in my own little world- I don’t exist. And for some strange reason, that doesn’t bother me.
I guess I like to think that I am not alone, so I invent a complex, social world/ alternative reality with humans in it that I can make a plot for- don’t worry, I’m not insane!
Ironically, we are learning how to manage our stress at school.
I wrote this passage during study hall in my first class before I knew that we were going to learn how to manage stress. Interesting, right?
How do you manage your stress?